We live in a culture that sends out mixed signals when it comes to
relationships. Independence is stressed as extremely important,
yet everywhere you look, the underlying message is "you are nothing
without a partner." (For more on this topic, click on
Identity). The message of so many
movies is that the
most important thing you can do is find someone and get married.
These movies end with a proposal or a wedding, suggesting that life
ends at the altar. With so much stress on finding the "perfect"
someone, all other relationships in one's life are trivialized. Also,
there is little focus on what happens once the novelty and
initial passion of a relationship wears off. It seems that, in
many movie previews, if a happy couple is shown, it is understood that
one of them will either die or seriously betray the other.
Because so much importance is placed on romantic
relationships and marriage, there is often a period of disappointment
and letdown when people become seriously involved with each
other. After the "honeymoon period" we discover that life still
presents problems and that we haven't escaped the things we didn't
like about our lives before we committed to this wonderful
relationship. All of a sudden, the relationship starts to
seem unfulfilling! A relationship with another is only as
fulfilling as the relationship we have with ourselves. Even
though facing the pain in oneself can be painful, and even tedious, the
rewards are tremendous. The work you do in therapy will greatly
enhance a healthy relationship, and give you the strength to identify
and leave an unhealthy relationship.
